Oftentimes nowadays, I find myself reminiscing on the glory days, those years when I first began my college journey and the road towards finding myself. Looking back, I remember the invincibility that engulfed every portion of my life in those days and I also remember thinking I knew it all- that there was no person in any better place with any better life knowledge or any better understanding of the world than I had then. But, as we generally find when hindsight becomes 20/20, I couldn’t have been more wrong or miscalculated my maneuvers any more than I did. If only my naïve self, at age 18, knew then what I know now.
#1. The people who truly matter the most will always be
around, despite any challenges you may face in your life.
For
years, I tended to focus my life around people who only came around when it was
convenient or who only were my friends/love interests/acquaintances for a short
time. I didn’t realize that life is a natural progression and that it is okay
to lose touch with people who once entertained your every thought. I didn’t
understand that if someone wasn’t strong enough to help you through a
situation, that generally meant they didn’t love you as you deserved to be
loved. Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a short period of
time. They teach us about ourselves, about life, and about loss; and that is
perfectly okay.
#2. There will come a time, no matter how much you may
resent it, when you will have to look your parents in the eye and say three
little words: “You.were.right.”
When I first
traveled to college, I had my heart set on a career in Public Relations. In the
months leading up to my departure and during every single break that occurred
during freshman and sophomore years, my dad would lecture me on how I should
have chosen teaching as a profession. “Summers off! Nothing better!” he would
say, followed by, “If only I could put my 48-year-old head on your 18-year-old
body.” My God, I was irked by him then. And of course, today, I am planning on
going back to school to pursue a degree in Elementary Education.
#3. Take ownership for your past mistakes. That is the only
way anything will ever get better.
For a
while, whenever I screwed up I found it infinitely easier to run away from the
problem than to actually face it head on. And you know what I realized? People
can only help you solve problems if you admit that they occurred. 100% of human
beings fuck up somewhere along the way. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed to
admit that you are one of them.
#4. Do things that scare you.
I have
found over time that some of the greatest memories of my life have resulted
from gigantic leaps of faith: applying for that dream internship I feared I
could never get, allowing myself to be vulnerable and to fall in love, jumping
out of an airplane on a hot summer day, telling the person I loved exactly how
I felt even though I was terrified. These are the grand and bold gestures;
these have the capabilities to change your life. Never be afraid to take an
insane risk.
#5. Life is 10,000 times more difficult when you sit back and
compare yourself to others.
It’s
normal, especially for females, to compare themselves to other people: to weigh
your weight against someone else, your attractiveness, your talents and skill
sets. I was no different, particularly where my family was concerned. As the
youngest of four girls, I constantly compared myself to the amazing individuals
that my sisters are and guess what? One day, when I wasn’t even expecting it, I
was hit in the face with a magnificent realization: my sisters and I, much like
all of us, are cut from the same cloth. We care, we react, we work hard, we
love. How many of us are alike at the core when you strip it all down?
Comparisons are for the insecure and the weak and let’s get real- you are
neither of those things.
#6. It’s okay to lose your way. In fact, it’s abnormal not
to.
For a
while, I was sure of where I was going and what I was doing- until I wasn’t
anymore. I got so freaked out by my inability to wrap my head around my own
life that, I won’t lie, I spiraled a bit out of control. But the most amazing
thing happened in the midst of the struggle. I found myself. I found strength
that I never would have found without those problems and I triumphed through
them. At the end of the day, those triumphs will always mark an unbelievable
time in my life.
#7. Your worth is not defined by another human being.
There
were times in my life where I found myself caught in webs, completely entrapped
by other people. I so desperately desired their approval and so urgently needed
their love that I allowed these people to walk all over me. I allowed them to
belittle me with their words and their actions. I allowed them to break my
heart. I allowed them to see me cry. At
the end of the day, how did I feel? Worthless. Empty. Under-appreciated. How did
I get to the point where I let another human being make me feel that way? And why
did I let it continue? If there’s one thing I know for damn sure right now in
my 20s, it is that this will never happen again.
#8. Find courage and solace in the tiny moments.
Over time,
I have come to realize that it really is the little things in life that matter
the most: when we’re sitting with our family around the dinner table, when we’re
watching our nephew laugh, when we’re crying on our friends’ shoulders, when we’re
drinking beers on porches in the summer. These are the times we’ll remember
when our worlds are crumbling down. These are the memories we will lean on to
find ourselves again. Embrace them, enjoy them, allow them to define you.
To all of you 18s out there on the edge of something new and
for all you 20 somethings who may have found yourselves again through spurts of
courage: You are beautiful. You are resilient. You are resounding. And the
echoes that await you and the echoes that you leave behind you are, without a
doubt, going to mark the pavement of an absolutely fulfilling life.
